I Haven’t Read a Book in About Ten Years

Standard

This will come as a shock to some – “WHAT? Adrienne hasn’t read a book?! How can this be possible when all she talks about are books?”

Because ten years ago, I was about thirteen. Because ten years ago, all I wanted to do was read. Because ten years ago, I was less stressed. Because ten years ago, all I had to focus on was the book in my hand.

A lot of my old habits are still in place today. I still carry a book with me everywhere, and I never buy a new purse unless it passes the Book Test (can a standard book fit inside it). I still read when I have spare moments, such as waiting in line at the grocery store or when I am waiting for someone. However, I don’t enjoy books like I used to.

I’ve always been a fast reader. But the older I get, the more I realize that my reading speed is slowing down. There are hundreds of excuses why. And the truth is that sometimes I would rather spend time with my friends than read a book. The book will always be there. That moment with my friend will not be. So, I guess you could say it’s a priority shift.

Furthermore, the people who truly love books won’t be on the Internet telling you because they are too busy reading! I love books, sure I do. But sometimes (a lot of times) I get distracted by the Internet and its sparkly world of social media. Now I am more likely to look at page numbers than I was ten years ago, because now my time constraints are greater. I read a lot of children’s books for multiple reasons: I am studying to be a children’s librarian, children’s books are more fun to me, and, in most cases, there are less pages. It takes me two weeks to read a children’s book, whereas it would probably take me less than a month to read a 500-page adult book. Frankly, I am not ready to enter into the adult world yet, but that is another post.

It has been ten years since I fully savored a book, tasted it and let it consume me. I don’t cry as much when I read books anymore, and big part of that is because I am not immersed in the story as I once was. In the age of the Internet and adult life, I am not surprised. But reflecting on this certainly does make me stop and realize what I am missing.

Struggling with Feminism while Still Considering Myself a Feminist

Standard

*NOTE* I identify with feminism in that I believe that all men and women should be treated equal insofar as being given the same human dignity and respect. I find nothing odd about that at all. Don’t pay me less because I am a woman. Don’t tell me that I am “stupid” because I am a woman. I don’t think that you are “stupid” because you’re a man. Like me, you are a human being who deserves dignity and respect.

Okay, that being out of the way, let’s talk about my issues with feminism.

I don’t use birth control. I am not sexually active. I am Pro-Life. I don’t hate men. I want to be a mom one day. I DON’T THINK ANYONE WHO USES BIRTH CONTROL OR IS SEXUALLY ACTIVE IS A BAD PERSON. It’s just not my choice.

I feel that’s what feminism is all about – being able to choose what works best for you as a woman. But sometimes I feel like we still look down on the choices women make, like you want to be a stay-at-home mom so you put feminism back 50 years. I used to be guilty of this, and I think that’s partially because that’s how I was conditioned as a feminist, that if you’re not in the workforce, you’re demeaning everything our Founding Mothers ever worked for.

Then again, I have also seen the opposite. I have seen women looked down upon because they needed to work for whatever reason. People say, “God will provide, you need to stay home with your kids.” Meanwhile, the woman with the bedridden or deceased husband is saying, “Forget that, God provided me a way to feed my children, so I’m going to take it.” The difficult thing is that everything is a case-by-case basis. There is no one-size-fits-all for what a family should or shouldn’t do. But either way, it’s not for us to judge that.

As a librarian, I work in a primarily female field. And honestly, sometimes I feel like I am not doing much for feminism in this way because women have held this role for decades. The campaigns to get girls involved in math and science are well-meaning, and I’m not saying anything negative about them. However, I chose this field, but indirectly I feel like I am looked down upon for it. Maybe it’s all in my head, but I can’t help but feel that way sometimes. But even more than that, I’m scared if I leave the field for a few years to raise a family, that no one will let me back in, by virtue of the fact that I committed a feminist sin. However, I am also afraid of quitting the field entirely. I would be okay with taking a job part-time if my husband had a good enough job. I’m the kind of person who needs to keep working, just because I love my job.

I’m terribly conflicted right now, caught between two worlds, the world of the family (which society puts down) and the world of the career (which society praises).