I am physically and mentally exhausted. Grad school is in full-swing, and writing this blog post is just a way to procrastinate from writing about information. It’s weird being a grad student in my parents’ kitchen versus sitting in a classroom discussing the topic of information with my peers. Somehow online discussion groups just don’t compare. Oh, online classes. But I digress.
When I left Kent, I believed I was leaving my home. And at the time I was. I was leaving behind my friends who made life worth living and who made me better understand myself as a person. Now, I only still consistently talk to a handful of those people. Now I have a new life in Pittsburgh, with new friends, a new church, and a new perspective.
But I still feel like a fish out of water. I always joked in college that you can take the girl out of Pittsburgh, but you can’t take the Pittsburgh out of the girl. Now I wonder if there was ever any Pittsburgh in me to begin with. If there was even any Ohio in me to begin with. I used to believe that there’s one place where we all belong and that we need to find that place. Now I’m not so sure. Since I’m still going to grad school through Kent State, that tie isn’t cut, but I’m living in Pittsburgh and wondering what I’m doing here. I wonder if I have a gypsy heart, where I’m not meant to stay in one place forever. I left my heart in Ohio, but now it’s tied to Pittsburgh again. Still yet, a third of it wants to escape somewhere entirely new. This is an odd revelation. But I guess this is my eternal lesson in patience. Learning to appreciate where you are now, not always trying to jump ahead to where you will be. And right now, I have a discussion post to write. Whoops.
As mentioned in past posts, I am constantly at war with Pittsburgh’s true religion, the golden trinity of the Penguins, the Pirates, and the Steelers. And now, once again, Pittsburgh is battling a question of ethics versus victory on the turf.
Pittsburgh Steelers running backs Le’Veon Bell and LeGarrette Blount could face charges of marijuana possession after being pulled over yesterday afternoon, BUT they were still allowed to play in yesterday’s preseason game. Why the heck did Mike Tomlin think that was a good idea? I’m glad the Steelers lost last night’s game.
What are we telling kids when an unarmed teen is killed unnecessarily in Ferguson, Missouri, but a football player is allowed back on a high school team after violently raping a young girl? Football is America’s true religion, and it is disgusting. Sports are supposed to teach discipline, teamwork, as well as losing and winning graciously, but lately kids are taught from a young age to win at all costs. Parents push their children harder than anyone. And the Steelers are setting yet another bad example for these children. If you’re an athlete, a good one, it’s okay if you make a criminal error because we’ll let you back on the team anyway because we need to win. Bell and Blout were arrested yesterday, but they were still allowed to play in a game. They may face charges, but somehow I doubt those charges will follow them their entire careers. If I was caught with marijuana, I would never set foot in a library as an employee again.
Will writing this post change anything? Probably not. But we need to quit worshiping men like this. True heroes do not kick a football around on the field and then make a fool of themselves off. I am willing to believe that there are true heroes in the sports world, but Bell and Blout do not exemplify my idea of a hero. And neither does Mike Tomlin for not addressing this issue.
Pittsburgh’s novelty is starting to wear off.
Driving in the city irritates me, and I am no better at it than when I took my first day trip into the city. Some unexpected car trouble has put my finances on hold for a while, so no recent day trips. And I’m about to start grad school long-distance, so I have classes and student loans to worry about. I’m frustrated and guarantee that by the time I write all this out, I will be significantly less annoyed. But right now, I want to vent.
I still miss my friends in Ohio, even though going back would not advance me in any way. If anything, it would drive me battier than I already am. However, that does not mean that I don’t kind of wish I could go back. Driving in Kent is a lot better than driving in Pittsburgh.
Even though I haven’t done everything on my personal Pittsburgh bucket list, there’s the idea in the back of my mind that I’ve already done everything I could ever want to do. One cannot live on museums alone. Latitude will never be the Dusty Armadillo. I’m getting bored of taking trips alone. So, now what?
Like I said, I’ll feel better once I’ve written all this out. But I want to take a vacation away from Pittsburgh, in a whole new place. I need some inspiration.